1. A sticky rice roll more than 111 feet long and weighing more than a ton has been cooked in Vietnam to raise money for the hungry.  Hey, dumbasses!!!  Feed them the damn rice roll!
2. The Illinois-based American Pie Council suggests people mark Friday’s National Pie Day by engaging in “random acts of pieness.”  Jason Biggs from “American Pie” immediately calls dibs.
3. A California company says Super Bowl XLIII will use 120 balls.  Or as Paris Hilton calls it… 60 guys.
4. A lethal condition that has been killing bats in New York for two years has spread into New Jersey and Pennsylvania.  “And eventually… Gotham City!!” said the Riddler.
5. To fight an epidemic of obesity and its life threatening complications, researchers in Brownsville, Texas, are using a farmer’s market.  Unfortunately, the farmer’s market is next door to a Krispy Kreme.